Lately I've become frustrated at my abilities and my circumstances. I've been having sad thoughts and cry more easily, and then I criticise myself for being 'weak'.
Am I making mountains out of molehills? Does it get any easier?
This pressing and enduring dissatisfaction seems to continue despite futile efforts to change my lifestyle, change my living environment, change my career..
Perhaps what has been pressing on my mind is internal, and much harder to get at.
Alongside this frustration comes loneliness, and anger and despair - and yet I have much to be grateful for.
They say comparison is the thief of joy, so why do I keep comparing myself against my peers? Why am I so anxious to live up to that invisible bar I have placed my worth on?
I know the answer, and yet I can't bring myself to act on it - I am stagnant, unmoving, unmotivated.
So what is it that I am chasing? What is the purpose of it all? Why is my ego so fragile? Why do I feel pressure to find somebody to be with?
Dear lord, please help sustain me throughout this challenging period. Please help me to fix my eyes on you and stop focussing on other people's journey. My career is not a rat race. I am operating in accordance with the timeline you have set for me. Thank you Jesus for everything that you have given me. Please help me to pass on the blessings that I have received for others too.
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